The 30-Minute Shakespeare Anthology by Nick Newlin

Author:Nick Newlin
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781935550365
Publisher: Nicolo Whimsey Press
Published: 2016-05-04T00:00:00+00:00

SET AND PROP LIST

SET PIECES:

Trees

PROPS:

Leaves

Buck’s head or deer antlers for Falstaff

Drums

Masks

Wand for Mistress Quickly

THE MERRY WIVES OF WINDSOR: ACT V, SCENE V

Windsor Forest.

Enter NARRATOR from stage rear, coming downstage left.

NARRATOR

The Merry Wives have convinced Falstaff to dress up as Herne the Hunter, a folk hero who has antlers on his head. They promise to meet him in the woods, where many of our players have disguised themselves as fairies to have their comeuppance on the fat fool Falstaff.

Exit NARRATOR stage left.

SOUND OPERATOR plays Sound Cue #1 (“Forest sounds”).

Enter SIR JOHN FALSTAFF wearing a buck’s head.

FALSTAFF

The Windsor bell hath struck twelve. The minute draws on. Now, the hot-blooded gods assist me! Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa; love set on thy horns. O powerful love, that in some respects makes a beast a man, in some other a man a beast! You were also, Jupiter, a swan for the love of Leda. O omnipotent love, how near the god drew to the complexion of a goose! A fault done first in the form of a beast; O Jove, a beastly fault! And then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think on ’t, Jove, a foul fault. When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag, and the fattest, I think, i’ th’ forest. Send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow?

Enter MISTRESS PAGE and MISTRESS FORD.

Who comes here? My doe?

MISTRESS FORD

Sir John! Art thou there, my deer? My male deer? (caresses his antlers)

FALSTAFF

My doe with the black scut! Let the sky rain potatoes; let there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here.

MISTRESS FORD

Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart.

MISTRESS PAGE and MISTRESS FORD place themselves on either side of FALSTAFF, and he puts his arms around them. It is his great moment of pleasure!

FALSTAFF

Divide me like a bribe buck, each a haunch: Am I a woodman, ha? Speak I like Herne the hunter? As I am a true spirit, welcome!

SOUND OPERATOR plays Sound Cue #2 (“Fairy music and drumbeats”).

MISTRESS PAGE

Alas, what noise?

MISTRESS FORD

Heaven forgive our sins.

FALSTAFF

What should this be?

MISTRESS FORD AND MISTRESS PAGE

Away, away!

Exit MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE stage left, hurriedly.

Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, FORD (with drum), PAGE, DR. CAIUS, SIR HUGH EVANS (disguised with mask), and PISTOL (as Hobgoblin) from stage right. Others, as FAIRIES, also enter from stage right, following MISTRESS QUICKLY, who dances across the stage with her wand and directs them to form a semicircle behind FALSTAFF.

MISTRESS QUICKLY

Fairies, black, grey, green, and white,

You moonshine revellers and shades of night,

You orphan heirs of fixed destiny,

Attend your office and your quality.

FALSTAFF

They are fairies; he that speaks to them shall die:

I’ll wink and couch: No man their works must eye.

(lies face-down on the ground)

MISTRESS QUICKLY

About, about;

Search Windsor Castle, elves, within and out:

And “Honi soit qui mal y pense” write

In emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue, and white;

Our dance of custom round about the oak

Of Herne the hunter, let us not forget.

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